Quote:

Doug, 
 
thanks for the read and suggestions. 
 
the rhyme is abab with a 6-4 beat and your thougts throw that off a bit.

writer,

Yes, I know they do; as I said, the poem flowed so well and the rhymes so unabtrusive that I didn't realize its meter and scheme until I had conceived the afore mentioned alterations for it. 

Keep it the way it is. I have no issues with it at all, including the "written's" example shared by Ashlbee.

Doug

Hmm...I haven;t posted in this forum before, and although I have read some of the comments, bare with me if this isn't the right type of comment. 

I love the comparrison. It is hard to come up with a fresh meaphor about love-but this works very well! Being a college student that is always writing papers for class, and also being that I am engaged, this poem, really resonates for me.

The rhyme in the poem is amazing and not forced at all.

for some reason, however, S3L3 trips me up every time I read it. I think it is the "written's" that bothers me. Just a suggestion-bit maybe you could change it to written is? or something like that? but that's also just my opinion, so yeah. Lol.

A very old piece, more than thirty years old. It's also posted in Fast Track   


Nostalgia 
 
Little bits and pieces   
of memory 
come to fill the thesis   
on you and me. 
 
Paragraphs of love 
or almost-love 
or nothing close to love 
that are part of 
 
the paper that is you 
and also me.   
And what is written's true, 
or partially. 
 
Or not a bit of truth 
in any line. 
Just fantasies of youth,   
of yours and mine. 
 
 
writer