a scent of yesteryear Sweet rose of summer, stirring love and dreams
but weeks ago, stands withcy
[withy?] now, stripped stark
[I like the enjambment here, but it is a tricky one indeed, One must pay close attention and give ample emphasis to the punctuation to carry this one correctly.] of all her petals, leaves… mere thorny bark
remains to cast a spell in silent screams.
The winter wizard shows
[perhaps...makes...fits better?] her [his] [isn't wizard masculine?] cool descent
from palaces of ice whence
she [he] was sent.
[The lack of "from" as whence's preposition is a bit awkward to me, Daniel. Perhaps...From palaces of ice from whence he's sent...?] Another year has slipped into the night
of yesterdays that fade beyond the stars
splayed out in silken nothingness as far
as eye can hear a black hole blink from sight.
[I like the language here, the images, the metaphors, but this is a little too run on even for me. And again, as with whence, some usual prepositions are absent for the sake of meter. It is a sacrifice I can appreciate, but it creates some double-back moments for me; i.e. ...as far/ as eye can hear..... Making eye plural (eyes) is the simplist fix I can see. ] The grit of time can never pause; it's caught
between the gears… naught but an afterthought.
© MLee Dickens'son 03 Jan 2006