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Empty Lap (Revised) (Read 100 times)

nas Ex Member I love YaBB 1G - SP1!	Re: Empty Lap Reply #4 - Jan 1^st, 1970 at 12:00am	Print Post
	Very sad. I'm sorry for your loss Doug. Your lap must feel very empty.


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D. Allen Jenkins Topic Starter Ex Member All I got was a rock	Re: Empty Lap Reply #3 - Jan 1^st, 1970 at 12:00am	Print Post
	sierra wrote on Jan 1^st, 1970 at 12:00am: D. Allen Jenkins, I sometimes get things wrong, but I believe you're talking about a pet (cat) that has perhaps died? You've done well conveying the emotions that follow the loss of a pet and the sense of loneliness that ensues the severing of such an attachment. Great opening--almost like two lovers! This is beautiful. I can't imagine my life without my cat! Yvonne Thanks Yvonne; Yes, we had to put one of our cats down on Wednesday morning. He had been sick for several months and finally reach the point of no return. He was my nightly companion, and will be sorely missed. Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I am not in my element with free verse, but that's all I could muster for this effort. Doug


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duetsdove Ex Member	Re: Empty Lap Reply #2 - Jan 1^st, 1970 at 12:00am	Print Post
	Hey there! Nice to read you again. . .it's been a while. This is heart-wrenchingly lovely. . .I am a cat-lover. . .have two. . .lost them both. . .have two again. . .one who is escpecially cuddly as this one must have been. . .I've known that empty lap. jmho. . .I would omit "alas, it couldn't". . .simply going into the last stanza. Also might consider eliminating "so" in L4. . .and possibly replace the first as in L6. . .with "while". . . Lovely. . .bittersweet. . .and lovely. ~Rene~
	« Last Edit: Jan 1^st, 1970 at 12:00am by »

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sierra Ex Member	Re: Empty Lap Reply #1 - Jan 1^st, 1970 at 12:00am	Print Post
	D. Allen Jenkins, I sometimes get things wrong, but I believe you're talking about a pet (cat) that has perhaps died? You've done well conveying the emotions that follow the loss of a pet and the sense of loneliness that ensues the severing of such an attachment. Great opening--almost like two lovers! This is beautiful. I can't imagine my life without my cat! Yvonne
	« Last Edit: Jan 1^st, 1970 at 12:00am by »

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D. Allen Jenkins Topic Starter Ex Member All I got was a rock	Empty Lap (Revised) Jan 1^st, 1970 at 12:00am	Print Post
	Empty Lap (Revision II) We had an understanding; you wanted to stay, I didn’t want you to go. Nightly we shared these desires through purrs and ear scratchings while you curled up on my lap—as if we believed sheer will could do what nothing else could... ... it couldn’t. Now I sit alone, empty lapped, watching CSI with no expectation of solving the reasons why. D. Allen Jenkins **************************** Empty Lap (Revision I) We had an understanding; you wanted to stay, I didn’t want you to go. Nightly we shared these desires through purrs and ear scratchings while you curled up on my lap—as if we believed sheer will could do what nothing else could... ... it couldn’t. Thus, I sit alone, empty lapped, watching CSI with no expectation of solving the reasons why. D. Allen Jenkins ************************** Original Empty Lap We had an understanding, you and I— You wanted to stay; I didn’t want you to go. So every night we shared these desires through purrs and ear scratchings as you curled up on my lap—as if we believed sheer will could do what nothing else could. Alas, it couldn’t. Now I sit alone, empty lapped, watching CSI with no expectation of solving the reasons why. D. Allen Jenkins
	« Last Edit: Jan 1^st, 1970 at 12:00am by »

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