Rene,

what man does not like mermaids and the interesting images they provoke?  and you've added a merman for gender equality ("you forgot the dew that shimmered on your own").

and there is something about the sea.....

oops. . . Sorry. . .I missed this earlier. . .thanks, Writer, for appreciating the work. . .and the gender equality herein.  *smile*

yes, there is. . .something about the sea.

writer

Rene,

glancing beyond my shadow to the doll 
who captures the spotlight  couldn't tell if I should read this as a question or not as if to say WHI is the person doing the "capturing --- other wise this is a SF -- but on the other hand, there's no question mark --- this reader needs guidance.
of my curio. 

As I sometimes do. . .the title is part of the sentence, Norm

I love mermaids, you said, glancing beyond my shadow to the doll who captures the spotlight of my curio.

I have in the past began the poem with an elipses to help "show" that. . .but this one seemed kind of obvious.
 
Later, after our eyes danced in the heat creates a very strange image I had trouble picturing -- probably just me -- another Scituate blindness ~smile~
and your foreign tongue whispered your longing 
for a swim, 

Norm, Norm, Norm. . . you can "see" dancing eyes, yes?   In the heat. . .you cannot picture that. . .the heat that is created by the attraction of two people?  I originally had with the heat. . .but the heat does envelope, does it not?  Therefore, I changed it to "in the heat."  Does that make sense to you?
 
you sought to covet my altar, 
 
insisting I have a direct line 
to Lord and Lady, 
to the angels who fill my home 
with their song; 
 
and in your zeal 
to attach yourself to the watery waves comma
you felt splash from my tail, lucky sailor

Sometimes they think they are. . .lucky. . .and sometimes they think they're being drawn onto the rocks. . .men. . .go figure.  lolol  I'm a nice mermaid.  I'm not sure I need that comma

And in your zeal to attach yourself to the watery waves you felt spash from my tail. . .

I don't see the need?  I see the need for the comma after tail though. . .
 
you forgot about the dew 
that shimmered on your own, 
 
and Neptune's favor 
which granted you 
your own magical chord 
to Goddess, to Mother, 
to Fairie child. I have read the last stanza many times, and as another SF it makes me stumble.

Ok. . .it's a rather long sentence. . .let's see if it makes sense to you like this:

And in your zeal to attach yourself to the watery waves you felt splash from my tail, you forgot about the dew that shimmered on your own, and  Neptune's favor, which granted you your own magical chord to Goddess, to Mother, to Fairie Child.

so. . .the only thing I omitted in the poem was the comma after favor. . .and orginally I had 

you forgot about the dew that shimmered on your own and about Neptune's favor. . .

but I didn't think the second about was necessary. . .do you feel that it would be?

I love the feel of the poem though much of the meaning is esoteric for the generic reader. The nice thing about a duetsdove poem is that even if the "meanings" eludes us, the flow is so wonderful that we always find ourselves saying, "great poem".

There are readers who will "get" everything that is in this work. . .Mary. . .does I'm sure. . .it's the "witch" in us you know.  *smile*  And there are those who will simply enjoy the underlying sensuality. . .and the  mermaid/water imagery. . .and that's ok by me, too. . .

Mary hit the main theme of this. . .we all have a "connection". . .even as this individual is positive that I have one of the only direct lines to the Other Side and the angels.  *smile*

Note: for others reading this "SF" is NOT "sexual fantasy" --- it is "Sentence Fragment" LOL

Well, so glad that you clarified that. . .although. . .the latter does, in part, fit the work.  lolol   I don't mean for you. . .but for the male in this work. . .it quite did.  lolol

Thanks, Norm

Norm[/B]